Jay Gilmore
Anson? Anson? Where are you, Anson? Anson. Come back, Anson. Anson. Calling Anson. Where are you, Anson? Anson! Anson. Calling Anson. Where are you, Anson? Anson! Where are you, Anson?
Season 7 · Episode 21
Je Souhaite
Character-labelled dialogue prepared from the official DVD subtitle track.
Production code7ABX21Original airdate · May 14, 2000
308 dialogue entries
Scene 01
CREVE COEUR, MISSOURI
[ tires screech ]
Jay Gilmore
Anson, get out here! I've warned you about your attitude. You clean out 407? No, of course you haven't cleaned out 407. You've only had all damn morning. You think you're ever going to own any of those boats the way you're going? You think you're ever going to amount to anything? You can't even finish a simple job.
Anson Stokes
A monkey could do this job, all right, Jay?
Jay Gilmore
Well, you can't. So what's that say about you?
Anson Stokes
Shut up.
Jay Gilmore
Excuse me? I didn't catch that. You clean out 407, you move out that deadbeat's stuff, and you do it now. And when I come back in an hour, it better be done.
[ groans ]
[ gasps ]
[ gasps ]
Jay Gilmore
Anson! Anson? Son of a-- Anson. Anson! Oh, that's it, Anson. You hear me, ans--
[ muffled whimpering ]
Scene 02
FBI HEADQUARTERS
Fox Mulder
Can I get you some coffee? Water? Anything?
[ door opens ]
Dana Scully
Good morning.
Fox Mulder
Good morning.
[ mouthing words ]
Fox Mulder
Special agent Dana Scully, this is, uh, Jay Gilmore.
Dana Scully
How-- nice to meet you.
Jay Gilmore
Nice to meet-- likewise.
Fox Mulder
Mr. Gilmore came all the way to see us from missouri, the "show me" state.
Jay Gilmore
They told me you were the people to best understand my sit-- my sit--
Fox Mulder
It's okay. Uh, this is mr. Gilmore's situation. This condition came on very suddenly about a month ago.
Jay Gilmore
Anson Stokes, he did this to me. I don't know how. I just-- I know it was him.
Fox Mulder
Anson Stokes is a former employee... At the self-storage yard that mr. Gilmore owns. Apparently there was some bad blood between you two.
Jay Gilmore
He told me to shut up! Huh?
Fox Mulder
Yeah. And then mr. Gilmore was, uh, stricken-- stricken-- stricken. Uh-huh. And Anson Stokes was nowhere to be found. He resurfaced several days later, and the police wanted to question him, but he refused.
Jay Gilmore
Do you know what he said? He said they had nothing on him.
Fox Mulder
Well, and to be fair, sir, they didn't. They don't.
Jay Gilmore
They had to make me a whole new mouth. Do you think blue cross is going to pay for this? Uh-uh. I demand justice!
Unidentified speaker
Ow.
Scene 03
MARK TWAIN TRAILER COURT
Dana Scully
Mulder, all I'm saying is that--
Fox Mulder
I know. This may not be a crime, and this guy Stokes may not know anything about it.
Dana Scully
Look, there is a condition called microstomia-- small mouth-- which is brought on by the disease scleroderma. It's the overproduction of collagen. It can actually reduce a person's mouth to a tiny little opening.
Fox Mulder
But that takes months to develop, right? It doesn't just happen in the blink of an eye. Gilmore's surgeons are stumped. They're writing it up in the new England journal of medicine.
Dana Scully
There's always nasal aplasia, the complete absence of the nose.
Fox Mulder
That's a nose, Scully. We're talking mouth here.
Dana Scully
But what we're talking is medical, physiological, not criminal. Not as far as I can see.
Fox Mulder
Maybe, but I still want to know... Why Anson Stokes doesn't want to talk to the police.
Dana Scully
Mulder. That's a little... Out of place, wouldn't you say?
Fox Mulder
A little bit.
Anson Stokes
Ah, damn it. Leslie!
Leslie Stokes
What? What is it?
Anson Stokes
I.r.s. Agents. Gotta be. Get rid of them, all right?
Dana Scully
Hi. We're looking for a mr. Anson Stokes.
Leslie Stokes
He's not here.
Dana Scully
Would you happen to know when he's coming back? Well, we are agents Mulder and Scully from the FBI
Leslie Stokes
The boat's-- the boat's not ours. [ stammering ] we're holding it for someone, and, you know, th-they pay the taxes on it.
Dana Scully
Okay.
Leslie Stokes
Anson's not here.
Fox Mulder
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's your name?
Leslie Stokes
Leslie Stokes.
Fox Mulder
Oh, you're Anson's brother?
[ rattling ]
Fox Mulder
Hi there. We're not here to talk about the boat, Leslie. We want to talk to your brother about his former employer, mr. Gilmore.
Dana Scully
And the, uh, unfortunate condition that he's found himself in. Would you happen to know anything about that?
Leslie Stokes
The mouth thing? Well, yeah, you know, that's just, uh-- that's, like, chemicals.
Dana Scully
"chemicals"?
Leslie Stokes
Well, yeah, you know, like people store weird chemicals, like-- like my brother, one time he smelled this weird smell. You know, it was just a guy with a meth lab, you know, like in one of the storage units. That's probably something you guys should look into. I'm gonna get going. So I'm gonna go. Okay.
Dana Scully
Okay.
Fox Mulder
Now I see what's going on here.
Scene 04
Scene 04
Dana Scully
According to Gilmore, he was standing right where I am when it happened.
Fox Mulder
Well, I don't smell any weird chemical smells. You still have both your lips.
Dana Scully
Apparently everything is left as it was.
Fox Mulder
Hey. 1978. It's been a long time since any of this stuff has seen the light of day.
Dana Scully
That's too bad, Mulder. Underneath all this dust, this furniture is really wonderful.
Fox Mulder
Oh, well, you want to hit some yard sales while we're out here?
Dana Scully
Mulder, this furniture is expensive. Very expensive.
Fox Mulder
What's your point?
Dana Scully
My point is that... There's a lot of money sitting around here, and maybe something's missing.
Fox Mulder
Like what?
Dana Scully
I don't know. Jewelry. Anson Stokes opened up the storage unit, and then he just disappeared.
Fox Mulder
Winds up with the titanic in his driveway.
Dana Scully
Mm-hmm. There's your crime-- theft.
Fox Mulder
Still doesn't explain what happened to Gilmore. Hey, Scully, check this out.
Dana Scully
Ouch.
Fox Mulder
This woman look familiar to you?
Dana Scully
That's the woman from the trailer.
Fox Mulder
It's the young woman from the trailer. How many centuries now has disco been dead?
Scene 05
Scene 05
Anson Stokes
Two down. Two down, I got nothing to show for it.
Leslie Stokes
You got the boat.
Anson Stokes
And what the hell good is that? Huh? That thing is like a big-- you know, a big--
Dark-Haired Woman
White elephant?
Anson Stokes
What? I'm sorry. What does that mean?
Dark-Haired Woman
It's a big expensive item that serves no purpose and is more trouble than it's worth.
Anson Stokes
So what the hell did you give it to me for?
Dark-Haired Woman
Because you asked for it.
Anson Stokes
All right. I can appreciate that. But don't you think maybe you could've found some fricking water to put it in?
Dark-Haired Woman
You didn't specify water.
Anson Stokes
I gotta specify that you put a boat in the water? That is a given! Fricking white elephant. I can't even pay the taxes on it.
Leslie Stokes
Why don't you just use your last wish to get rid of it?
Anson Stokes
You want me to put you in a home or something maybe? Because I just told you, Leslie, that I wasted two wishes, okay? Are you listening? I am not gonna waste the third, all right? Come on. Come on! I gotta concentrate here. Let me figure this out. Third wish, third wish. Final wish. I'm just spitballing here. If I happen to say "I wish" by accident, that does not count. Not until I am absolutely ready, okay?
Dark-Haired Woman
You could always give that guy his mouth back.
Anson Stokes
All I said is that I wish Jay would shut the hell up. If you feel bad about what you did to him, fix it on your own dime, okay?
Dark-Haired Woman
It doesn't work like that.
Anson Stokes
Whatever. Leslie, would you help me out here?
Leslie Stokes
Um, money.
Anson Stokes
Yeah. Okay, that's not bad. Wish for money. But don't you think we should think of something that would... Generate money instead of the actual money itself?
Dark-Haired Woman
Brains? Talent? Hard work?
Leslie Stokes
Uhhh, a money machine.
Anson Stokes
Okay, that's not-- but something better. Something better. Okay. But I just--
Leslie Stokes
An infinite number of wishes.
Anson Stokes
Okay!
Dark-Haired Woman
Just three, boys. Settle down.
Anson Stokes
Damn it, this is hard!
Dark-Haired Woman
You know, I have a thought. Granted it's pretty obvious.
Anson Stokes
What, what, what, what, what?
Leslie Stokes
What? What?
Anson Stokes
Seriously, what?
Dark-Haired Woman
Oh, forget it! I got it.
Anson Stokes
I got it.
Leslie Stokes
Yeah?
Anson Stokes
I got it, I got it, I got it. Okay, are you ready? Because I am ready. I am absolutely ready. Okay, here it goes. I wish that I could turn invisible... At will.
Dark-Haired Woman
You're kidding.
Anson Stokes
No, no, this is perfect. Yeah, I can have an advantage that nobody else on earth can have. I can, um, you know, spy and learn secret information. Pick up stock tips!
Dark-Haired Woman
Sneak into a women's locker room?
Anson Stokes
Not just that, okay? I'm talking about james bond-type stuff, you know?
Dark-Haired Woman
Your wish is breathtaking in its unoriginality.
Anson Stokes
You don't have to like it, all right? You just have to do it, right?
Dark-Haired Woman
Done.
Anson Stokes
My... Clothes are gonna turn invisible too, right?
Dark-Haired Woman
You didn't specify clothes.
Unidentified speaker
Son of a--
Anson Stokes
Screw it!
Dark-Haired Woman
Oh, god. Turn invisible, please.
Anson Stokes
Yes! Oh, man, this is awesome! Hey, hey, hey, brother. Hey, Leslie, I'm over here. I'm over here. [ laughs ] can you see me?
[ whooping, laughing ]
Anson Stokes
Whoa! Aah! Damn it!
Leslie Stokes
Anson, are you all right?
Anson Stokes
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I can't see my damn feet. [ laughing ] look out, world, here I come!
[ whooping, laughing ]
Anson Stokes
I'm invisible! Invisible, baby! Whoo!
Leslie Stokes
Whoo-hoo!
Anson Stokes
Yes! You can't see me, can you?
Leslie Stokes
I-- whoo! [ laughing ] hey, uh--
[ Anson whooping ]
[ laughing ]
Anson Stokes
Get out of my way, birds. Oh. Well, hello, ladies.
[ laughs ]
Anson Stokes
Here comes Anson. That's right. Come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Change, change. All right. Here we go. Need a little roadside assistance, do you? [ laughs ] not to worry. Here comes Anson.
[ screams ]
[ squishing sound ]
[ buzzing ]
Unidentified speaker
Whoa!
Scene 06
4:36 PM
Morgue Attendant
Can we go now?
[ door opens, closes ]
Fox Mulder
I think you missed a spot here. I can see straight through to his ass. This is Anson Stokes, huh?
Dana Scully
It is. His dental records are a match. He was found about a half mile from his house. He was probably hit by a car or a truck or something.
Fox Mulder
And he's invisible.
Dana Scully
Yes, he is.
Unidentified speaker
Wow.
Dana Scully
You know, in the seven years we've been working together, I have seen some amazing things, but this-- this takes the cake. It's-- it's gonna change the boundaries of science.
Fox Mulder
It is amazing, but I don't think it has anything to do with science. Remember mr. Saturday night fever?
Dana Scully
Yeah.
Fox Mulder
I did a little background checking. His real name is henry flanken. He redefined the term "overnight success." in 1977, his net worth was 36,000 dollars. And in 1978, it was 30 million dollars. Then there is the interesting way in which mr. Flanken died.
Dana Scully
How's that?
Fox Mulder
Chronic morbid tumescence.
Dana Scully
You don't mean what I think you mean?
Unidentified speaker
Schwing!
Fox Mulder
On april 4, 1978, he was admitted to gateway memorial hospital... With an extreme priapic condition. Apparently he was quite the specimen. They had to raise the door frame in order to wheel him into his hospital room.
Dana Scully
Well, what does any of that have to do with this?
Fox Mulder
Well, I think our mystery woman is the link, about whom I can find no information whatsoever. I think she's responsible for all of this.
Dana Scully
But how?
Fox Mulder
I-I don't know, but we need to talk to her.
Dana Scully
Uh, I think I should stay here with the body. I mean, I-- you know-- I don't think it's a good idea to leave him unguarded. This is truly amazing.
Fox Mulder
Okay.
Scene 07
Scene 07
Fox Mulder
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Leslie Stokes
Anson didn't suffer, did he?
Fox Mulder
No, I don't think he suffered. But the part about him being invisible, that doesn't, uh, catch you off guard just a little bit?
Leslie Stokes
Uh--
Fox Mulder
Leslie, there was a woman here earlier. Where is she now?
Leslie Stokes
She's, uh-- she's gone.
Fox Mulder
Let me tell you where I'm going with this. I think that woman is a jinniyah. Are you familiar with that term?
Leslie Stokes
No.
Fox Mulder
It's the feminine for "genie," as in... A demon or spirit from middle eastern folklore?
♪♪ [ humming theme from I dream of jeannie ] ♪♪ [ hums along ]
Fox Mulder
Yeah, except barbara eden never killed anybody. Now, in arabic mythology, they speak of these beings that are composed of flame or air... But take human form. They can perform certain tasks or grant certain wishes. They live in inanimate objects like a lamp or a ring. Is this beginning to sound familiar? Leslie, I believe your brother found just such an object... In the storage facility, didn't he? He took possession of the jinniyah, and he made some pretty outrageous requests, like Jay Gilmore's mouth and that yacht out in the driveway.
Leslie Stokes
Wait, wait. You believe all that?
Fox Mulder
I do. And Leslie, for your own safety, so that what happened to your brother doesn't happen to you, I think you should hand over that object to me right now. You're doing the right thing.
Scene 08
Scene 08
Fox Mulder
Scully, come check this out. Come on. He's not going anywhere. Come on.
Dana Scully
Bye. I have a group of researchers flying in from harvard medical. I can't wait to see their faces. What's this?
Fox Mulder
It's not what I hoped it would be, judging from the odor coming from inside. I think it's where the Stokes brothers keep their weed. But that's not what I wanted to show you. Recognize him? How about her? Benito mussolini.
Dana Scully
Your mystery woman or someone who looks a lot like her.
Fox Mulder
The computer says it is her. I ran her through quantico's facial recognition software... And couldn't come up with a match in the known-felon database. Then I took a flyer and checked with the image bank at the national archives.
Unidentified speaker
Voilà.
Dana Scully
Well, even if it is her, Mulder, what would she be doing with mussolini?
Fox Mulder
Or richard nixon, for that matter.
[ cheering on TV ]
Fox Mulder
I don't know, except that they're both men... Who got all the power they ever wished for and then lost it.
Scene 09
Scene 09
Leslie Stokes
See? I told you it'd look good in here. Nice rug. How do you breathe in that thing?
Dark-Haired Woman
Can we just get this over with, please? Three wishes. Go.
Leslie Stokes
Don't rush me, all right? I want to do this right. I've gotta be smarter than Anson was. Damn it, Anson.
Dark-Haired Woman
Then can I once again offer you a suggestion?
Leslie Stokes
Hmm. What?
Dark-Haired Woman
This! Your disability? There was some tragedy involved here I assume.
Leslie Stokes
Well, yeah, it was pretty tragic, I guess. Me and Anson were playing mailbox baseball. God, I miss that. And Anson's driving. I was leaning pretty far out the window there. Oh-- you mean this! Yeah, you're right. I could wish for a solid gold wheelchair. Man, that'd be sweet. I see what you're saying. But you know what? There's something I want more than that.
Scene 10
Scene 10
Dana Scully
You're not gonna believe your eyes. I certainly didn't. You ready? Oh, he's, uh-- he is invisible, after all. Um-- he's in there.
[ insect buzzing ]
Scene 11
Scene 11
Leslie Stokes
Okay. You know what? He's creeping me out. This isn't what I asked for. He's all weird and messed up.
Dark-Haired Woman
He's been hit by a truck. What did you expect? Yeah.
Leslie Stokes
I asked you to bring him back to normal.
Dark-Haired Woman
You asked me to bring him back.
Leslie Stokes
Okay, you know, this--
[ sniffing ]
Leslie Stokes
Now he's starting to smell bad! This isn't what I wanted! He's gotta at least be able to talk. You know what? That's my next wish. Wish number two: I wish Anson could talk.
Dark-Haired Woman
No, you don't.
Leslie Stokes
Yes, I do, and that's final! I wish Anson could talk!
[ scoffs ]
Dark-Haired Woman
Done.
[ screaming ]
Scene 12
Scene 12
Dana Scully
I should just shoot myself. Oh! I was so happy. I was so excited. What was I thinking? An invisible man?
Fox Mulder
You saw it. It was real.
Dana Scully
I don't know what I saw, Mulder. I'm-- [ sighs ] I do know that having that kind of proof in my hands, it was just too good to be true.
Fox Mulder
I don't think that's why the body disappeared.
Dana Scully
Why did the body disappear?
Fox Mulder
I think it was a result of a wish being granted.
Dana Scully
A wish? Whose wish?
Fox Mulder
Who would want Anson Stokes back? I mean, really, really back?
Dana Scully
His brother, Leslie?
[ screaming continues ]
[ scream fading ]
[ gasps ]
Scene 13
Scene 13
Leslie Stokes
Well, this is no good!
Anson Stokes
[ shuddering ] what did you do to me?
Leslie Stokes
You're back from the dead, man! What kind of gratitude is that?
Anson Stokes
What did you do to me?
Leslie Stokes
I wasted two wishes on you, that's what I did!
Anson Stokes
I can't feel my heart.
[ shuddering continues ]
Anson Stokes
I-- I can't feel my blood.
[ coughing ]
Anson Stokes
I am yellow! I'm cold. I'm cold.
Leslie Stokes
You know what? Screw this.
Anson Stokes
I'm cold. I'm cold.
Leslie Stokes
I wasted two wishes on you... And a perfectly good bowl of cornflakes. There, I turned the heat up! Are you happy now, huh? Are you happy? Is there anything else I can do for you there, buddy? What do you say? Maybe wipe your little yellow butt? Thanks for nothing.
Dark-Haired Woman
You wanna make your third wish, champ? I'd like to get out of here before the blowflies hatch.
Leslie Stokes
Yeah, I tell you what. My last wish is gonna be for me, okay? It's gonna be for me. You hear that, Anson? I wasted two wishes on you, and you don't even give a damn about that! Okay. All right. Third wish. Let's see. I could wish for, uh-- I could wish for money. Everybody wishes for money. Um-- there's the invisibility thing. I guess that turned out pretty stupid, though, huh, Anson? To be invisible! That was real smart, huh? Uh, x-Ray eyes, maybe. No, that isn't it. Like you said, solid gold wheelchair. Uh-- wait, I got it. Legs!
[ both shouting ]
[ jinniyah grunts ]
Scene 14
Scene 14
Fox Mulder
Would you mind removing your eyewear, ma'am?
[ siren wailing ]
Fox Mulder
Do you have a name?
Dark-Haired Woman
Not for a long time, now.
Fox Mulder
How about if I call you Jenn? That's short for jinniyah.
[ door opens ]
Dana Scully
The, uh, fire department just recovered two bodies.
Fox Mulder
Leslie Stokes and his brother Anson?
Dana Scully
Looks like it. And, uh, Anson Stokes is visible now, of course. But what I'd really love an explanation for... Is how his corpse got from my locked Morgue... All the way across town to the mark twain trailer park.
Jenn
Ask him. He's got it all figured out.
Dana Scully
I know what he'd say. He'd say that you're some kind of a genie... From a thousand and one nights or something like that... And that you grant people wishes.
Jenn
There you have it.
Fox Mulder
One thing I haven't been able to figure out is whether you're a good genie or an evil one. Everybody you come in contact with seems to meet a bad end.
Jenn
That's the conclusion you've drawn? That I'm evil?
Fox Mulder
Well, possibly evil. Possibly cursed. A curse to others.
Jenn
The only thing you people are cursed with is stupidity. All of you. Everybody. Mankind. Everyone I have ever come into contact with without fail. Always asking for the wrong thing.
Fox Mulder
You mean making the wrong wishes?
Jenn
Yeah. It's always, "give me money. "give me big boobs. Give me a big hoo-hoo. Make me cool like the fonz." or whoever's the big name now.
Fox Mulder
You've been out of circulation a long time.
Jenn
So what? In 500 years, people have not changed a bit.
Dana Scully
Five hundred years?
Jenn
Granted they smell better now, generally speaking. But human greed still reigns-- shallowness, a propensity for self-destruction.
Dana Scully
You're saying that you have been a firsthand witness... To 500 years of human history?
Jenn
I used to be human. I was born in 15th century france. And then one day an old moor came to my village peddling rugs. And I unrolled one that an ifrit had taken residence in.
Dana Scully
An "ifrit"?
Jenn
A very powerful class of genie. He offered me three wishes. For the first, I asked for a stouthearted mule. For the second, uh, a magic sack that was always full of turnips. Did I mention this was 15th century france?
Fox Mulder
What was your third wish?
Jenn
My third... I pondered for a great while. I didn't want to waste it. So finally, feeling very intelligent, I spoke up, and I said--
[ french ]
Jenn
"I wish for great power and long life."
Fox Mulder
And thus became a genie yourself.
Jenn
Gave me the mark of the jinn... Right there. It's forever. Sort of like a prison tattoo. I should've been more specific. So am I under arrest?
Dana Scully
I can't think of anything we have to hold you on. Not surprisingly, we don't have any evidence of any of this, so, uh, I think she's free to go.
Jenn
No, I'm not. He unrolled me.
Fox Mulder
I get three wishes.
Scene 15
Scene 15
Jenn
So, your partner left the airport rather quickly. I don't think she likes me very much.
Fox Mulder
Oh, well, I don't think she knows what to make of you. I don't... Think I do either, really.
Jenn
Well, you could always give up your three wishes. I'll disappear. No hard feelings. I didn't think so. So what's your first wish?
Fox Mulder
Well-- w-w-- [ laughs ] what would your wish be if-if you were in my place?
Jenn
I'm not you. It doesn't matter.
Fox Mulder
No, but, you know, I just-- I'd like to know.
Jenn
I'd... Wish that I never heard the word "wish" before. I'd wish that I could live my life moment by moment, enjoying it for what it is instead of-- instead of worrying about what it isn't. I'd sit down somewhere with a great cup of coffee, and I'd watch the world go by. But then again, I'm not you. So I doubt that's your wish.
Fox Mulder
You know, I think I'm beginning to see the problem here. You say that most people make the wrong wishes, right?
Jenn
Without fail. It's like giving a chimpanzee a revolver.
Fox Mulder
This is because they make their wishes solely for personal gain.
Jenn
Could be.
Fox Mulder
So the trick would be... To make a wish that's totally altruistic, that's for everyone.
[ sighs ]
Fox Mulder
So, um, I wish for peace on earth.
Jenn
Peace on earth. That's it?
Fox Mulder
What the hell's wrong with that? You can't do it?
Jenn
No. I can. [ cars stop, honking ceases ] it's done.
Fox Mulder
Oh, crap. I guess I should have seen this coming! Scully. Scully? Hello? Hello! Very good. Genie! Genie! Whatever the hell your name is!
Jenn
Yes?
Fox Mulder
What the hell is this?
Jenn
It's what you asked for-- peace on earth. [ gasps ] listen.
Fox Mulder
You know damn well that's not what I meant.
Jenn
You didn't specify.
Fox Mulder
This has nothing to do with specificity! You don't have to wipe out the entire population of the whole planet... Just to affect a little peace on earth and goodwill towards men.
Jenn
Mmm, you didn't say, "goodwill towards men." so you expect me to change the hearts of six billion people? No religion in history's been able to pull that off. Not allah or buddha or christ. But you'd like me to do that in your name? So... What, you can feel real good about yourself?
Fox Mulder
D-did I say that? I-- I didn't say that.
Jenn
Mmm, how grotesquely egotistical of you. I bet you wish you hadn't made your first wish.
Fox Mulder
Yes, I do, since you butchered the intent of that wish so completely. And another thing. I think you've got a really horrible attitude. I guess that comes from being rolled up in a rug for the last 500 years. But we're not all that stupid. We're not all chimpanzees with revolvers. I think there's another possibility here, and that's just that you're a bitch!
Walter Skinner
Agent Mulder?
Fox Mulder
Sir.
Walter Skinner
How did you get in here?
Fox Mulder
Uh--
Scene 16
Scene 16
Jenn
"whereas, I have one wish left... And desire to use it most effectively for the good of all mankind--" yadda, yadda, yadda-- "here on this plane of existence." hmm. What, are you a lawyer?
Fox Mulder
Well, I have to be with you. I'm gonna get this last wish perfect. I'm not gonna leave you any loopholes. I'm not gonna let you interpret this as an edict to bring back the third reich... Or to make everyone's eyes grow on stalks.
Jenn
Oh, geez. And I was so looking forward to that.
[ door opens ]
Dana Scully
Skinner called me, Mulder. Is everything all right?
Fox Mulder
You don't remember disappearing... Off the face of the earth for about an hour this morning?
Dana Scully
No.
Fox Mulder
Then I guess everything's okay.
[ sighs ]
Dana Scully
Mul-- could you give us a minute, please?
Jenn
Sure.
Dana Scully
Like today? Wh-- where the hell'd she go?
Fox Mulder
Boink!
Dana Scully
No. It's gotta-- it's gotta be hypnotism or mesmerism or something.
Fox Mulder
Scully, it is what it is. You examined an invisible body, remember?
Dana Scully
I thought I did.
Fox Mulder
Oh!
Dana Scully
[ scoffs ] Mulder, all right. Say-- say that you're right. Say this is what it is. Then what you're doing is extraordinarily dangerous. You even said that yourself.
Fox Mulder
No, no, the trick is to be specific, to make the wish perfect. That way everyone is gonna benefit. It's gonna be a safer world, a happier world. There's gonna be food for everyone, freedom for everyone, the end of tyranny of the powerful over the weak. Am I leaving anything out?
Dana Scully
It sounds wonderful.
Fox Mulder
Then what's the problem?
Dana Scully
Maybe it's the whole point... Of our lives here, Mulder, to achieve that. I mean, maybe it's a process... That one man shouldn't try and circumvent with a single wish.
[ typing ]
Jenn
You ready?
Fox Mulder
Yeah, I'm ready.
Scene 17
Scene 17
Fox Mulder
I can't believe you don't want butter on your popcorn. Ew. It's un-American.
Dana Scully
Caddyshack, Mulder? [ TV: indistinct ]
Fox Mulder
It's a classic American movie.
Dana Scully
That's what every guy says. It's a guy movie.
Fox Mulder
Okay, when you invite me over to your place, we can watch steel magnolias.
[ chuckling ]
Dana Scully
So, um, what's the occasion?
Fox Mulder
I don't know. It just... Felt like the thing to do. Cheers.
Dana Scully
Cheers.
Fox Mulder
I don't know if you noticed, but, um, I never made the world a happier place.
Dana Scully
Well, I'm fairly happy. That's something.
Video announcer
And now our feature presentation.
Dana Scully
So what was your final wish anyway?
♪♪ [ TV ]
Music
♪ I'm all right ♪
Scene 18
Scene 18
Waitress
Here you go.
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About this transcript
The dialogue comes from the official DVD subtitle track supplied by Boggsfiles. Speaker and scene attribution was cross-checked against character-labelled reference material. Subtitle wording is preserved while capitalization and spacing are standardized for easier reading.